The Mind's Captive Thoughts

My name is Paul Garrison.  At least it is right now.  I have been alive since the Pre-civil war era, and with skills that far surpass the capabilities of any ordinary human, I find the notion of fitting into society to be.... difficult.  As I sit idle, passing time working at a local grocery store, and finding fulfillment through small acts of kindness, a fragment from a past thought to be left behind overturns my relatively quiet life. Now I find myself traveling cross country with two unexpected companions. With a private desire to connect to another human being, I unveil a past long unknown to any living individual, aside from myself. Emotions long suppressed rise back to the surface as memories long forgotten are brought back to life.  As I recap a multitude of lifetimes, the question of my existence is quickly revisited. Traveling to face my past, it seems that this question may be closer to solved than I had thought possible....

A step forward, A world of shows A moment of rest Then we’re off, let’s go. “Where will this take me?” A question most ask But that knowledge isn’t needed For the start of this task. A step into unknown A leap made blind Will there really be Solid ground on the other side? Fear is normal It’s who we are. But it’s when fear doesn’t rule That we really see the stars. But what’s to lose, What holds us back? “Should we stay where we are?” If you’re on the right track. But is it fear That makes us stand still? The fear of the unknown That truly controls our will? Fear is healthy It makes us stop Before you jump, How high is that drop? Risk comes with all This is a fact of life Measure it carefully And avoid some strife. Know yourself Know your restraints Know where to start Know not to hesitate Know that there is no signal No flag or starting gun Know that it is only you That chooses when you run So, make the change Take this step Trust in...

I need some air. Tonight, I wasn't content with the stale atmosphere of my apartment. I couldn't relax with the confinement of these four walls keeping me in. Even the exhilarating mental stimuli created by diving into another's created world through text couldn't hold my restlessness at bay. There was nothing particularly stressful from the day, except possibly the lack of anything really substantive. This whole week I've felt like I've merely been surviving, and not advancing in any direction. Not that I was entirely sure what direction I would want to advance in, but I seemed O.K. with advancing for the sake of itself. I sighed, tossed my book to the side, sat up, and examined at my clock, which doubled as a thermometer. 2:43 A.M. 42 degrees Fahrenheit . I looked out my window. Raining. I smiled to myself. Whatever. I swung myself from my bed, and slipped from my room. Moving slowly through my living room, I eventually found myself in my kitchen. Here...

She sits At a table all alone What she thinks, no one knows. She stands Heading for the door With her eyes to the floor A stranger passing by Could never realize The pain that lies within her eyes Isolated Broken from within She forces tears Just to feel again Her world around her Is nothing else but gray She locks herself in Nothing left to say She has nothing left to say She stares Through the windows on the train Just looking at the rain She walks To her apartment that's downtown Her steps lacking sound She passes by an alley so familiar It reminds her of time with so much color She thinks about when it all had left her Taken by a bullet that had killed her. He never told her why he did He never said a word He simply pulled the gun out And took away her world She walks the streets, all alone She's searching for an answer For an existence so isolated Can no one come and save her? The people around She begs for them But they cann...

    Every good action can be taken too far.     Every good intention pushed to the bring of evil.     Maybe the phrase "Too much of a good thing is a bad thing" is a proper fit for this situation.     Such a light-hearted phrase back then.     But then, everything back then was different.      It was never supposed to come to this....      One man's dream. One man's ambition.     A force that truly has the power to change the course of history.      I suppose I never thought it could lead to such... catastrophic results.     One man. One dream.     Taken too far.     Pushed beyond limits that very few have even dared to cross.     But, what was I to do? My dream had led me into a place of power. People were watching. Anticipating. Pushing.  ...

Between each chapter of life Must lie a transition A time to adjust And a time to listen A quiet time it is This time of transition Where not much takes place And not so much is seen It's like lying in a valley Rock walls to the left and to the right Not one I can lay my hand upon And both of them in sight Through the journey I make To ascend to the other side I find myself where I was lost Somewhere deep inside my mind Can this really be me? Is it true that I was lost? Amongst all the noise? Did I really lose my cause? This transition time I'm in Now has changed everything It has helped redefine my cause And helped make me complete Now, I have to question Where did it all go wrong? When did become so far gone? And why did it last for so long? Now, I tread this dusk valley Feeling nothing but wind on my face Lost in who I really am But finally in my place The past lies behind me Its trials come to leave Its lessons fresh in my head The...

    The feeling inside me ballooned so large, and so suddenly, that I was under the impression that I may explode. I knew that it had happened, but the feelings had just set in. Reality had finally made itself present into my heart, and it almost overwhelmed me.     At first, I had judged it as anger. However, it became apparent almost instantaneously that this feeling that was overcoming me was a large, dull pain. It could be compared with being hit with a large item on the back. The impact is very real, but the pain is slower to come. But when it does, it consumes your whole body, and leaves you feeling almost numb.     A pain that is the result of extended denial, of a constant purposeful ignorance of the truth. Of telling oneself that it couldn't be, that you could continue to live the way that you are, and not have to doubt the trust that trust that was so hard to put into this person.     This pain consumed me, and for a second, I thou...

All the wounds around me The ones I try to mend Have taken a great toll And now they must end A lack of sense destroyed me I have done this to myself I have brought on my own demons In pursuit of something else I've lost my way to find you And it brings me great despair To say that I'm off track That my route now needs repair My kingdom falls around me I did not have a clue What will possibly save me And there was nothing I can do But now I see But my strength within me could never be enough But still I know for sure That I could never give it up Because... You're there with me No matter where I am Your strength, it fills me And no matter what I do Your love will guide me, and it will keep me safe The battle brings great trials, But it always is the same The battle is won The battle is won And with you It can never be lost Lost... Lost.... Not lost.... I find it so very easy To get myself lost in this place And this world ...

I gave a thought of you today It happens once in a while A distance has come between us That's kept you in the meanwhile. I hope that you are happy As each day passes by I hope things are well Though I don't know why You cut me from your life Pushed me to the side Though to be your friend Was all I ever tried. I never wanted this Never wanted the pain I thought we could be friends And keep each other sane All I wanted was to help To give my best advice But I didn't realize my boundaries Though I wish I could've recognized. Now, we're here, distanced Like the east from the west My worries and thoughts Locked in a chest Do I ever cross your mind?? That I do not know I only hope you leave room For me in your soul. So, as my fleeting thought takes its distance And I begin to let my mind travel elsewhere As I let your memory fade into my mind I begin to think on how I don't care Don't care if I'm there or not If I help to brin...

                He strained his arms as he put all his might into pulling her up, the tightness of her grip almost breaking his hand. Only when he began to pull, did he see how far off the ground was from this cliff, and how very important it was to have made sure she did not hit the bottom. He looked into her eyes, and saw that panic and fear that were filling them, but he saw something else, and he wasn't too sure what it was.        He didn't have time to register it though. He could only think of making sure she was on the safe ground again. He raised up to one knee as he got her higher. He could hear the scratching of her feet as she desperately tried to gain a bit of grip on the rock wall right beside her. As he got higher, the scratching became less frantic, until at last she managed a foot on the top, and gained her footing back on solid ground.                  And sudde...

O.k. Fact time. Some people should not be parents. I'm not being a condescending jerk and saying "stupid people" shouldn't be allowed to breed. I'm not dumping on people who don't have their lives together. Not having your life together works itself out with time and a drive to. No, the people who should not be giving birth and parenting are the ones who aren't able to let go of their childish ways, who are not able to mature, and do not care to. Those who disgrace themselves in public, acting like children, yelling, being dramatic, and being vulgar. Those who can't put their child before their friends. Those who don't understand what it means to UNCONDITIONALLY love their kid, and bring them up right! I don't care who you are, it is not alright to insult your child for the sake of humor around your friends. If you are willing to do this, then you aren't intelligent enough to recognize the lasting effects that you have on your child, and wh...

"For you, the morning star shall rise once again. Bringing its light and warmth upon your face, casting the shadows to its wake, letting the light of the small stars rest. For you, its beauty will come in the east, after night has given its power over. And the birds will sing, and the air will smell heavy of moisture. And I will be gone. Yesterdays winds will have taken my body and mind across the   landscape.   It can not take all of me, however. Like the rain, the wind may move me to its will, but my effects will be left behind. Though the rain has stopped, and the sun has brought forth its light, the ground is still wet, the air still heavy. Though my physical being may be gone, myself does not need be dead to you. I only ask, as I leave tonight, that you keep me alive in your memory. I only ask that as I journey, I do not become dead to you, that my existence does not pass into the wayside. That what I have done here will have lasting effects, with you and everyone, ...

I don't want to leave you But, I know it must be done I don't want to hurt you But it's time for me to run I don't know how to say it But I'll give it my best try I'm bad at being blunt But I promise not to lie You used to be a blessing Now you are a weight That holds me back from who I am And my long to be great I don't know why you've done this I've tried to figure out Why you have become What I want to live without I spent so much time trying Trying to bring you back Back to who I once knew To get you back on track Times I've tried to help you I've given myself Thinking that it could you Bearing through the rough Now I see the problem There's nothing I can do Now I see the problem Lies solely with you You don't want to get better You just want to feel bad That the situations around you Should only make you mad Now it's affecting me Your negative disease It's bringing me down too And with t...

"You want me to be happy, But I deny it everyday. Because I will not listen, There's a price I have to pay. Though I constantly try to fight it, You always know what's best, And it is to my great disgrace, I put You to the test. Now my sins are put before me, I lay broken at your feet. Humbled from my failures, I wish nothing but to grieve. But now I am forgiven, From sin I am now clean. Though I feel that I am filthy, In your eyes I am pristine. My Lord, my God, My Master You are faithful beyond belief. You sent your Son to die for a lowly wretch like me. All that I can do, it will never be enough to make up this great debt from the power of Your Love. So help me do my best to come as close as I can be to showing You I love You, praying that you will See. I give my life to follow And I know that you will guide Though, I always seem to fall You will keep me by your side."

Maybe it's time Time to try Time to get out And live my life. Maybe it's time Time again To see the light And forget my sin. I have fallen But now I see The burning truth Of what is me. I live to love It gets me through The hardest days That I must do. So now I go To find and face My demons and foes And remove their trace So now it's time Time again To live my life Devoid of sin.

It's just so weird how things work out.... I've lost myself in a deep thought. I feel disconnected to the world. So much has happened lately, there is so little I feel I actually understand. My perception of right and wrong has been beaten, wrangled, and metamorphosed so much that it has become unrecognizable. My thoughts have become almost foreign to me. All I want in life is to do the right thing, to make a difference, to make others happy. I want to do it right. Why must everything be so conflicting? Why must doubt pressure itself into my head every time I make a decision comes through my mind. I can't keep up. So much change, so much of what I thought was my foundation gone, so much to replace it. I asked so much for this, and now I wonder if I want it? Change is always welcome. Did it come too quickly? I feel like I excel at what I do, but am I even doing the right thing? Doing the wrong thing right is still wrong. I just... don't know anymore.... I really don'...

This is something that I have given a lot of thought about. The separation between church and state. Something that is fought over a great amount. To me, it is just a fear of conforming. Honestly, that seems to be what drives our nation into most of our actions. There are a great amount of reasons for this. Simple history. A people sent to colonize an unknown territory became restless with what their leaders were trying to implement on them. So, they rebelled, won, and, after many years of hammering out some very rugged details, finally collaborated enough to call themselves a nation. This nation is known as the United States. A heart touching story. The colonists, the people who could almost be called the rejects of Great Britain’s society, and the people Great Britain thought they had the most control over, said “No” and stood for their beliefs, and became independent of their oppressors. Now, however, arose an even greater challenge. Making a sustainable country for themselves. What...

It was a late night party. There was a great amount drinking and I was more then tempted to drink that night. However, I had to go home that night, and I was supposedly the designated driver, so alcohol had never moistered my lips. The same could not be said for my friends. I watch in disgust as they continue to make fools of themselves, and dance around the room, constantly knocking over the expensive objects my friend's parents had taken so much time to buy and pay for.\ If my friend thought that he was going to get away with this party, he would have to turn back time. It's funny. Most of my friends constantly brag about how tough they are, and how they can handle so much, but you take few beers, and suddenly all regard for what may be around them is destroyed. Maybe it was just thier nature. I don't know. I know it's hard to keep yourself under control, when surrounded by friends. Constantly under the pressure of trying to impress them. Unfortunately, alcoho...

What do we define death as? Well of course, doctors may conclude that death is the lack of brain activity, completely brain dead. But, that takes it too literal. The brain dies, the body dies. But, when does a person die? When do we really leave ourselves, our body left to become a shell? Is it really when we lose all brain activity? Is that the only time we lose ourselves? No. Of course it isn't. A man is dead once he loses himself. Loses sight in what he is, or what he should do. A man who has lost touch with his ethics, to become a monster, is dead. How many times can one look into the eyes of a man and say he is dead, to see the life be pulled from their existence. I say, I see monsters who have lost themselves with this same look. Could this not be called death? Does a man who has committed unspeakable acts of cruelty deserve the label of living? Or does he exist only as a shell? A man who has lost all family, is not known to be alive, does he exist? To call him living wou...

 Hey, Kaz again- So texting is the new thing of this generation right? The ability to be able to text someone something quick like hi or hello without taking time out of your busy schedule to call. Its is very convenient I think but there is one thing I can't stand sometimes about txting and that is when they aren't getting the text. You can send the same text over and over and over to the person but when you check to see if it sent or was recieved, it has that stupid green arrow or this red x. I hate X's by the way, they just signify bad stuff to me. Like if you are watching X-rated movies, its bad. If you have something X'ed out, its bad. Not only that the X is bad but when it is red too. I don't like the color red, it has such a negative tone, as well as an authoritarian tone. When I see people with red ties, a voice comes into my head saying "Look at me, fear me, bow down to me cause I am better than you." I guess that is the effect of power ties huh...